A is for Aspirin

It all started when I took an Aspirin to soothe my head;
since Aspirin gives me ulcers, I took Belsomra before bed.
That meant I woke up groggy, Caffeine pills got me going –
but backed me up – a Diuretic got the urine flowing.
The pee-pills made me swell, I got an Ephedrine at the drugstore,
which gave me diarrhea so I popped a Florastor.
The clerk said that would make me queasy, Gravol did the trick;
Hydrocortisone helped the rash (the Gravol made me itch),
and Ibuprofen took the edge off the Hydrocortisone,
Which kept the Ibuprofen down until I reached my home.
My heart was racing with all the pills, I took a Juxtapid;
Ketoprofen to ease that off, Laudanum to kick it in
Meprobamate killed the fog, Naproxen and Orlistat
(the former makes me eat a lot, the latter burns the fat)
Paracetomol for fever, Quinidine to relax –
Ritalin, Sotradecol, Testosterone, Uristas!
Viagra kicked me into gear, Wellbutrin makes me chill,
Xanax helps to calm me from my phobia of pills.
Yocon cures the Xanax crash but makes me want to smoke,
so Zyban helped me quit again, or at least I hope.
So doc, I think its all these meds; my liver’s in conniptions!
I’ve got something for that – he said – and wrote me a prescription.

Day 10: An Abecedarian is a poem with a structure derived from the alphabet. There are so many pharmaceutical brand names out there, and I wanted to use the progression of the alphabet to describe the way medications are often chained together to offset each other’s adverse effects.

Warning: this poem is not a substitute for professional medical advice, is not responsible for adverse reactions; side effects may include sarcasm, exaggeration, lazy research methods, partial googling, anti-vaxxing and/or anti-anti-vaxxing, erroneous, surrepticious, misleading information and/or outright lies; 100% of participants (me and my girlfriend) exposed in clinical or at least comical tests could not differentiate from placebo; May cause minor embarrassment, boredom, loss of interest and/or death.

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9 Responses to A is for Aspirin

  1. I almost never went to doctors, I almost never took medicines. I have a natural “phobia” against pills; 99percent of the meds from the list above I see for the first time. : ) I’m familiar with a few people who overdo with the pills especially with AD. “Doctors” just make experiments on the patients and make them addicted. Funny poem though about chain chemical reactions and consequences. Sounds like you have written another kind of prescription : )

  2. C.C. says:

    This is very cleverly written and enjoyable to read. Sadly, it’s not too far from the truth with all the overly-prescribed medications being handed out these days!! Great abecedarian 🙂

    • 2youth says:

      Thanks C.C. and Yuriy,
      Originally I wanted a more austere simplified form for this, something like:

      Aspirin soothes my head but gives me ulcers so I take
      Buproprion for the ulcers but it leaves me foggy so
      Caffeine clears the fog but I get so hyper I’m on
      Diuretics to relax which leaves me swollen
      etc …

      but I fell into this storytelling rhyming meter instead with a dash of comedy. I think stripping it down to just the bare rendition, set against the playful nature of the abrecedarian could generate a powerful effect. I’d like to re-work a second version of it.

  3. I thought the poemlet can be inserted somewhere in the text-books for young students : )

  4. This is so clever, yet unfortunately, so true. May I copy it and show it to others? I’m still learning about words. I try, but am not as clever as most.

  5. This is brilliant. And your pharmaceutical knowledge is pretty incredible too. Great use of something I’ve never seen in poetry before.

    • 2youth says:

      Thanks Rodney! I know a bit about pharmacology, but I had to do some research online to complete this poem. I rarely take medication and luckily have never had to use most of these

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